lei_qt

I am writing this entry because a friend just asked me the same question. Do "first loves" never die? I’m sure all of us experienced loving somebody for the very first time. And maybe for most of us it all happened at a young age.."puppy love" as they may call it. There would come a time in your life where a guy comes up to you and professes his love for you and promises that he will love you until forever. A very young promise where some inocent hearts would hold on to. For some, this in the end, becomes a reality. But sad to say, for many, its just a promise made by just "a kid" and either forget or just doesn’t care..I for once believed in that fairy tale..that your first love will last forever no matter what happens. But some might not agree with me when I said that it’s just a fairy tale. Because now, I know that loving for the first time doesn’t necessarily mean that it is always there to stay. Maybe that person came for you to love because God just wanted to teach you how it feels to love and/or be loved and to prepare you for the real person destined for you to be with in a place called forever. I had a first love during my teens but we never ended up together. I held on to a promise that we shared but was never fufilled. Eventually, his feelings died down..and I had to move on..after a few relationships, I found my husband whom I love and cherish.Sometimes, a "first love" come along to inspire us and to make us stronger when we decide to go our separate ways. For some, a "first love" is someone you can never forget no matter what happens, no matter how long. And for a few, a "first love" is there to stay, as sweet as it was when they met at a young age, as they journey their lives together..for always…

During the first year of our marriage, my husband and I faced a lot of challenges..2 weeks after the wedding, i found out something about myself that shattered everything that i believed in..good thing I was married or I would never have gone through that stage of my life alone..in November ‘06, my dad was diagnosed with recto-sigmoid cancer (somewhere in between the rectum and the colon, if I’m not mistaken) which came as a real shock to the family..because of this, I needed to attend to the needs of my parents first before my husband’s..after dad’s operation, I took over our small business for a while so that mom could take care of dad and come January ‘07, I took my dad to and from the hospital for his chemo therapy (5 days a month) and his radiation therapy (M-F for the whole month of March)..it was hard being a nurse but I did it out of love for my dad..come June ‘07, just 11 days ago, I got sick..I had a 39.6 - 40.3 degrees fever due to my swollen tonsils (which also had a lot of pus)..the price of the medicines were by the hundreds and I needed them 3x a day..good thing I got well after 3 days or else I’ll be in the hospital..whew!!! Inspite of all of this, I was so lucky because Ge was a very loving and understanding husband..he supported me during these trying times and never left my side..he never complained about anything..he understood when I told him my parents needed me, he helped me take care of dad, he took care of me when I was sick and even do the household chores for me (he did all the laundries!)..now, we are yet faced with another trial..almost a year has passes and still, a baby hasn’t been given to us..I am now under observation and will run a series of test for the doctor to know the reason why we don’t have a baby yet..I told Ge that I am afraid of all the apparatuses that they will use on me..all that he did was hug me and tell me that, "hon, kaya mo yan..dito naman si honeykoy eh..i love you!"…am I not the luckiest girl in the world?

Its not a secret that I’ve been married several months ago..and that I was married to the man I love the most. 5 months has passed since the vow that we made, and a lot of trials have come our way. God has been very good because when the big storms in my life came I already have him by my side. I know that thru thick and thin my husband will never leave me. I could say that the trials that we went thru doesn’t really mean that we fought about things, its about other matters. Like I had a personal crisis that really shook my persona and good thing he kept me on track..there was a time when we needed to attend to his family’s needs..the pressure of not yet having a baby after 5 months and my dad having been hospitalized and discovering he has some illnesses besides the reason he went there for a check-up..God is so good to have placed him in the family to support us during our trials..I know he is our angel and my own..I love him so dearly and nothing and no one can ever replace him in my heart..

I just felt like writing something in my blog…sa mga kaibigan ko na heartbroken sa ngayon…minsan ang love dumarating sa di inaasahang pagkakataon..kailangan lang maging open sa possibilities at hindi dapat na manatiling nabubuhay sa nakaraan..kailangan mo munang kasing makalimutan ang nakaraan mo at matutunang mahalin ang sarili mo muli bago ka makahakbang at matutong magmahal muli..sa mga in love naman..minsan ang taong kasa-kasama mo at nagmamaal sa ‘yo ngayon, ay siya ring tao na magmamahal sa ‘yo ng tapat at wagas..i would suggest that you try to give your best in everything that you do for him/her and make your relationship work..mahirap na magsisi sa huli kapag pinakawalan mo siya ng ganun-ganun na lang..your fate is in your hands..sometimes, mas masakit pag sa huli mo na nalaman na mali pala ang ginawa mo nung pinakawalan mo siya…just a bit of something to think about..

After all the waiting, after all the hurts that I’ve been through, I finally found the man I would want to be with to a place called forever..di ko talaga akalain..he!he!he! Gerard and I met on August of 1997 at the Adamson University. I was there with a girl friend of mine, Michelle, to visit our newly found friends and members of the choir namely Marlon, Marvin and Donnie. Mark came to meet us there from Mapua. As we walk out of the covered pathway on our way to Harrison Plaza, we were able to meet Ge along the way..Marvin was the one who introduced us. Right there and then, I knew I liked him because of his beautiful smile..ang cute niya kasi pag naka-ngiti! We were able to convince him to attend the choir since he is also from cavite. I was able to get to know him but a I was bit aloof..takot kasi ako baka mahalata niya na crush ko siya! But then, he never noticed me. So, I said to myself: "Hanggang pangarap ko na lang to! Ang gaganda ng crush eh!". Until I had my first serious relationship and then a second..di nawala ang space sa puso ko para sa kanya..pero it was dormant..kasi nga, alam ko na imposible maging type niya ako..Until dumating ang time when I asked him if he could come w/ me to visit my bestfriend Joanne in Pasay to see my textmate at that time in person. Pretty much relieved that he said yes. During the journey to Pasay, I was able to relay my problems about my ex-boyfriend at the time. NAg-break kasi kami kaya lang I was left hanging..I asked for advice coz I didn’t know what to do anymore. After visiting Joanne, we went home and my x-bf texted me and told me to wait for him at the 7-11 near SM Bacoor..when I arrived, he was nowhere to be seen..I texted Ge and told him about it and he told me to go home..I used up all my load and was not able to reply. During my journey home, he texted me and said: "Kantahan na lang kita para di ka mainip, ‘kung ako na lang sana ang ‘yong minahal, di ka muling mag-iisa…(as in the lyrics of the song ‘kung ako na lang sana’)"..I was surprised but did not take it seriously..he texted me the next morning to check if I was able to meet with my ex..no load and no money to buy so I was not able to reply..come the next morning, March 9, 2004, I was awoken by a text from him at exactly 9am stating the words: "Gud am, Lei! Pede ba ako na lang mag-alaga sa yo? Pede bang ako na lang maging bf mo?" I was really shocked about it! Napabili tuloy ako ng load sa labasan para lang makapag-reply! At ang nasabi ko lang, "ok ka lang, kuya ge? joke ba to?" And he said that he was serious. Sa sobrang pagkabigla, basted ang lolo mo! He told me to give him a chance, I did. I let him court me for a week. Turned him down. I turned him down thrice but he still pursued. I doubted his feelings for me coz of my past experiences of having third parties involved in my past 2 relationships..he usually calls me up at night to see how I was or text me. He became my crying shoulder. The third time I turned him down, he finally gave up and told me over the phone that he will never bother me ever again. It hit me hard! I was so affected that night. I cried myself to sleep coz I realized that I love him. But the damage has been done. He said good bye that night. The following morning (April 6, 2004), I texted him to ask if he’s ok. He said no and that he doesn’t have the strength to go to work. He was so devastated about the night before. He asked me if we could go out that day, just for the last time before he finally leaves me alone. I said yes. And when he came to pick me up and we went to ride a bus going to manila for our last date. I told him that he could treat me as his girlfriend for the whole day. He held my hand on the bus after I said the words. Something felt right and I knew then that I can’t let him go. We went to Glorietta and watched "50 1st Dates" on the widescreen and ate..after our date, he dropped me off at the church for my choir practice..I kissed him goodbye (on the cheeks). The following day, I couldn’t help but think about him. I confided my problem to a choirmate, Dale, and told me that if I really love the person I should give it another try. So we formulated a plan. I texted Ge that night, saying: "Ge, may nabalitaan ako tungkol sa yo! Pwede ka ba pumunta dito sa simbahan ngayon din?!". He came as we were walking down the road going to mcdonald’s. He walked along beside me while Dale and the rest went ahead. He asked me, "Ano ba yun?". Then I asked him in my grouchiest way: "Ako ba talagang mahal mo?"..as in parang dinadarag ko siya…sumagot naman: "Oo naman!"..sabi ko, "Sige nga, sabihin mo na mahal mo ko!" (mataray na talaga ko niyan!)..sabi niya, "Mahal kita.."…then I told him, "Mahal din kita!" sabay lakad ng mabilis..tapos hinabol ako at pinauulit sa kin ang sinabi ko at tinanong pa kung "tayo na talaga?" sinagot ko, "bakit ayaw mo?"…sabay humawak sa kamay ko..and the rest is history..Ngayon ikakasal na kami at masayang masaya..I believe God made our paths cross early for us to get to know each other first and the reason why we were not involved earlier with each other emotionally is because God is preparing us, so that we would be able to know how to relate with each other and compliment each other..He is everything I wanted to be. In God’s time, I found my one true love. Thank God for His wonderful gift to me and for the persons he used to make it possible for us to meet..